I don't know. Some days Silver Jews Trains Across the Sea plays on an endless loop in my head. I think that line is both beautiful and depressing. It can either spur me to try and get the most out of life or wallow in it's emptiness. I spend many half hours at an office job, building motorcycles in my head or whatever you are supposed to do to not lose your mind. In fact this very blog is my motorcycle. Where I can get away with questionable metaphors.
I have been reading Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions by John (Fire) Lame Deer as told to Richard Erdoes. There are so many great quotes in this book about how most people are living completely against nature and how detrimental this is. The book is a memoir of sorts and a telling of the ways and ideas of a Sioux yuwipi or medicine man. It has also really made me feel better about not fitting in, about believing the journey is the destination, and prioritizing "knowing" over analysis.
The only quote I remembered to mark is on a page discussing how every individual animal and plant differs from all the others of it's specie. Lame Deer says the Great Spirit must abhor people all trying to be the same and think the same all the time. He says "Only human beings have come to a point where they no longer know why they exsist... and so they stumble along blindly on the road to nowhere-a paved road which they themselves bulldoze and make smooth so that they can get faster to the big, empty hole which they will find at the end, waiting to swallow them up." Wow!
Last night Suzi and I talked for hours about such things Suzi wouldn't mind being a silk spinning insect, I mean what do we have on spinning-silk she says? Recently Jenny said to me something along the lines of - "humans have been working on their society for thousands of years and this is what they come up with?"
Way back we used to be outside, exploring all day. Now we have to stay in offices without texture, sometimes, as in my case, without windows.
Open water swimmer Lynn Cox is one of my heroes. I just read her book Grayson recounting a day when she was a teenager and swam far out into open sea with an infant gray whale. The whale had been separated from his mother and began following Lynn. The creatures she encounters on her journey and her understanding of the sea as a living creature itself are truly to be amazed at. Her story made me feel like I haven't lived.